“If I never speak, it would be like a leaf falling in a silent forest. No one would hear it.”
Prologue
01
I’ve thought for a long time about whether I should write all of this down.
Many years have passed. The memories are now covered with a thin layer of dust…
One-on-One Meeting
02
It was the early spring of 2022.
By then, I had been working as a software engineer at a very selective tech company for a year…
Darshil’s Eyes
03
I’m a sensitive person.
I can sense tiny shifts in people’s expressions and movements…
04 - The Beach of the Brave
With the money from that bonus, I decided to celebrate a little.
I went to Oysho, a Spanish swimwear brand, and bought a white one-piece swimsuit…
05 - I Noticed Too
If there was one good thing that came out of that internship, it was the friendship between me and Kate, my sister in misery…
06 - This Is My Business Card
I’ve given out many business cards in my life, and I’ve received many in return.
But some cards are too heavy to accept…
07 - Come Intern at My Company This Summer…
“You Look Like a Nv You.”
08
“Can You Code?”
10
“Later, I told my boyfriend what had happened.
I thought he’d be angry. I thought he’d defend me, confront that man, say something, anything.”
09 - Trophy
“Your Neckline Is Too Low.”
11
You’re Different
12
Back when I was still in college, at a small weekend Chinese gathering, a young woman who had just started her first job began sharing stories about workplace culture.
The Bait
13
A girl I’d recently met on Douban invited me to dinner at a new Cantonese restaurant.
You Partied Really Hard, Didn’t You?
14
After graduation, I landed my first job as a software engineer at a well-known tech company.
Emily’s Husband
15
Emily was never late.
Her punctuality always amazed me.
Sometimes, I feel like a small fish surrounded by sharks, swimming carefully, treading on thin ice.
16 - He Was Staring at My Chest
17 - Touching Hair
Sometimes, when I pass a man on the street, I catch, in the corner of my eye, the way he subconsciously touches his hair.
18 - The Deepest Fear
What frightens me most isn’t the male gaze. Nor male kindness, or the sweetly disguised temptations that sometimes follow.
19 - The Underground War Between Girls
What I fear most is not the truly beautiful girls.
In fact, thinking back, those stunningly beautiful women I’ve met — many of them were the kindest, most lovely souls I’ve ever known.
20 - Tata
Tata was my college classmate, a girl of breathtaking beauty.
She was that kind and beautiful.
21 - Midnight
I first went to Tata’s apartment.
She carefully brushed dark eyeshadow across my lids, then sprinkled a little gold dust along my cheekbone.
22 - Short Hair and Bras
After my last relationship ended, I cut my hair short. Very, very short.
24 - Marriage Is My Shield
After people learned I was married, the hostile girls became friendlier.
I made them feel safe.
25 - The Wives of Married Men
There’s an invisible identity, called the wife of a married man.
By now, you’ve probably noticed, that my mother has had a profound influence on me.
31 - My Mother’s Wisdom
32 - Why We Must Strive
I don’t know if I count as a feminist.
It’s a wide spectrum, and I suppose I sit somewhere in the middle.
But one thing I do know: people must work hard.
We must strive, so that we have choices.
(…)
I just hope, that I can become stronger, and use that strength to change even a small part of the world.
Writing this book of stories is my first step.
And I hope that through these stories, you too can find your strength.